Day Eighteen

I imagine that for most of you, the excitement of last week’s birth experience has waned. Most of what Lara and I have shared recently has been pretty typical – the metaphysical changes resulting morphing into parents and the frustration of not having a child to parent initially. For those who stayed for the ride, thanks for checking in.

Today, we learned through our morning call with the hospital that Jaxon is very close to being released. He’s not gaining weight in the way that Lara and I would like, I think he’s lost another ounce or two, but most everything else about him is still great and indicates that he is doing really well. He’s breast feeding and taking the bottle. When I say taking the bottle, he basically holds it and drinks his milk down himself. Again, another sign of well-being and his mother’s influence. We think that once he gets on a proper feeding schedule, eating more regularly and eating more food, he should gain weight; hopefully rather quickly.

The most disconcerting obstacle that Jaxon now faces is a rash on his bottom. Baby Jack’s has had this rash for about four days. We think it has something to do with his thin skin around his bottom where he experiences diaper irritation. We hope that when he comes home he’ll feel comfortable enough to experience bucknakedness. Jax’s circumcision site is still pretty tender. We have to acknowledge that having a doctor cut your foreskin off is probably a bad day. We think it’s healing properly.

Speaking of feeding, last night Lara and I discussed the necessary insanity of breast pumping or feeding an infant every 3 hours. At some point, parents are operating on instinct. In fact everyone in the home is on instinct – cats included. I’d like you other parents an child experts to tell me how you balance child care and your humanity. I want Lara to take breaks, to go outdoors for a few minutes each day – to take time for herself, get some air, take recess. Sleeping doesn’t count. I’m leaving that job to the rest of you.

Lara and I are fortunate in that we have jobs that allow us to take time to be insane for six to eight weeks or more to care for an infant. Most Americans do not have that luxury. According to the Balanced Career, FMLA prescribes 12 weeks of unpaid leave for new parents. I mean, The Family Medical Leave Act allows, many more people the ability to take off for births or to take care of a loved one, but unpaid? The average maternity leave often ends up being shorter. ‘Only’ 70 percent taking time off following pregnancy, with the average maternity leave lasting 10 weeks. So there are parents who I most cases must return to work or risk not eating or having a home. That unpaid leave is bonkers.

The strange part about being a parent is that you have all of these new responsibilities that you didn’t think you would have just a few years ago. Today I watched two videos about infant CPR and care. Already, Jax is forcing me to learn marketable skills that I can add to my resume. I took the CPR DVD fairly seriously. Well, I did ask what a DVD was as I haven’t seen one in a decade and a half. Jokes aside, I have a premature infant, he is has a higher chance of going into cardiac arrest. Again, how do parents sleep?

I did a thing I should not have done today, I sat in on a work meeting. I know me and trust me this is probably a bad idea. The concern is that I’m going to loose a little focus on the task at hand, which is to care for a premature child. Sure, signing in on occasion is probably helpful to my team and I in that I can keep up with the scuttlebutt and actual work task, but I really can’t do both. I’ve seen that already. Also, it probably sends the wrong message. If I can listen in on this meeting, why not other meetings? How about reading this document or taking this training (all things I did to today), why not do a little more? Why take leave at all? What about the next person who cannot spend a few minutes working each day or each week?

Before baby Jax, I really did think that I could do it all. I could work some and care for him. Right now, I don’t see how that’s possible. Lara was right about this. Long-time friend and part-time parent to Randall, Sarah Koreishi tried to tell me, too. Suffice it to say, I will take as much leave as allowed by law.

While every parent needs to make the work decision on their own, I can’t see how parents can balance the early days patenting without a laser focus on the child. As a country, we much figure out how to provide all parents, regardless of work status, at least 12 weeks off to care for an infant.

Already, Jax has changed my life.

Thank you for your help.