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Home Apocalypse Now

Home Apocalypse Now

Those of you who are parents will see this title and have so idea what will be said. It’s about the first few days after your child takes up residence in your home. There are few books that exist which can properly warn you of how completely apocalyptic having a newborn in your home. No matter how many baby trinkets you have, how much money you spent on seed trinkets, they will not help you.

As we have transition from the blog category about the longest delivery week ever, Lara and I finally have our greatest creation under our roof. No longer do must we travel a mile or so down the road or call each morning to see how are kiddo is doing. He’s here. The Home Apocalypse Now.

Now I don’t mean to imply that having Jax is the end of the world…I’m actually saying it – he is the end of everything we thought about ourselves before. Four years ago, Lara and I could go anywhere we wanted, immediately. If Iceland looked cool, we’d go; if New Orleans was hot, we’d book it. Now, we look forward to walking to the closest post office box. It is different now – imaging how to move about the world with a child and three belligerent cats.

During pre-COVID times, the first few days of being home with your newborn is probably surrounded by dozens of friends and family stopping by, probably unannounced. While the dizzying numbers of visitors would likely produce six or so people who could provide significant hands-on assistance, Lara and I do not have that. We have three cats – they are as helpful as one would think. Actually, the most experienced parent in our home is most likely our cat Lulu, who may have had kittens four or so years ago.

As we all left the hospital for the first time, the weight of bringing home the most important person you that will ever know starts to collect like water behind the Hoover Dam. In the months and weeks prior to delivery, you has some idea of what it’s like. I was horribly mistaken. I thought that those nights in college where I stayed up cramming for test was analogous, “Hey, I did that 20 years ago, same thing”! I was such a stupid ass for even joking about it.

The thing is, this pressure you have is not because the baby is in any eminent danger but because as a brand, spankin’ new parent, you just don’t know. You think you know, but you really don’t – you can’t – until you actually hold a life in your hands. You watch is belly checking for breaths, you count each breath. you count the intervals between breath. You worry that you may drop him while changing him because it’s 4am and you’ve never don’t anything like this.

As one does, I asked @Twitter what the hell was happening.

I received some nice responses.

Whew. I’m so glad that this fear of small beings is not uncommon. Thanks.

While Jaxon is wonderful child, we’ve recognized already that he’s theatrical. By that I mean that when we change his clothes or diapers, he bursts into song. Lara and I do not know the name of if but we know that he sings it loudly – like Jesus Christ Superstar loud – as if he wanted the Queen of England to hear it. When I first heard him, I was naturally concerned that I had accidentally detached some critical part of him. I did a parts check and every thing appeared to be in its proper place. My second concern was that the police would knock down the door presuming that someone had committed a murder. Thankfully, this hasn’t happened – yet. He may be just cold, doesn’t want us fiddling with his butt, sticks or berries, or just doesn’t like the idea of being naked. Again, he’s most likely theatrics. Slowly, Lara and I are becoming more comfortable when Jax breaks out in song and have picked up the pace with regard to his robing and disrobing.

Anyway, we are all trying to figure each other out – cats included. While we don’t see the Home Apocalypse Now series to be as dramatic, thank goodness, we hope to share with you the general challenges faces by six individuals in a small two-bedroom house.

Thanks so very much.

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